1. |
Same Risk
03:28
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What the fuck do you want? Cause I’ll give you all that I’ve got
I’ll let you clean out my closet and I’ll let you try on all my dirty thoughts
If you lay in my bed, I know we’re gonna have sex
It’ll happen so fast, make a suicide pact, and you can’t take that back
Do you think this could ruin your life?
Cause I can see it ruining mine
And I feel mean for even thinking this
Are you gonna throw me under the bus?
Make me take the hit for the both of us
All that I’m asking is
Are we taking the same risk?
I don’t believe a word that’s coming out of your pretty mouth
I let you come in now the call is coming from inside of the house
Can’t tell which one of us is lying
Hurts like love feels good like crying
Do you think this could ruin your life?
Cause I can see it ruining mine
And I feel mean for even thinking this
Are you gonna throw me under the bus
Make me take the hit for the both of us
All that I’m asking is
Are we taking the same risk?
Cause I’m standing here naked
Saying you can have it all
And it’s all out on the table
And I’m feeling unstable
Will you catch me if I fall?
Do you think this could ruin your life?
Cause I could see it ruining mine
All that I’m asking is
Yeah I’m just making sure we’re taking the same risk
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2. |
Everything Almost
03:00
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Is this something I can say I know?
Or is it me being painfully eternally hopeful?
Oh god you have no idea what you’re doing, but I do
On the ninth of May I wrote it down
I found the journal when I was moving into your house
“Big love, big love”
Those were the words it was gonna be big love
Is it gonna be ok
If you keep some things just for you
And I keep some things just for me
Is it ok if we give each other almost everything, everything
Everything almost everything
Everything, almost
I had a dream there was a baby inside me
One hand on my belly and the other one pointing
Ordering you around the house like a bitch
And you just laughing and taking it
And then I think about my parents
What if they’re not here to see it
I don’t think that I could handle it
don’t wanna start believing it
So I completely avoid it
Is it gonna be ok if we really do this
Build a family, build a life
Dad always used to say
“you can have everything but not all at the same time”
Everything almost everything
Everything, almost
We’ve got it baby, we’ve got it, everything
We’ve got it baby, we’ve got it, everything
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3. |
Girlfriend
03:28
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Oh my god you’re so so pretty
I see everything that he saw when he first saw you
And I don’t want to admit it
In some alternate universe we might be kind of close
It don’t throw me off, seeing you out, seeing you around
Mostly I don’t think about it
It’s only weird when you call him
It’s only weird because we’re not friends
Are you hoping he’ll catch feelings for you again?
So insane to think that now I’ll have to pretend
That you never even happened
Oh no no I don’t think I can
No no I don’t want you to see that I forget who I am
Yeah I know I wouldn’t want me to be my ex boyfriend’s new girlfriend
Girlfriend, girlfriend
So, sorry I’m your ex’s girlfriend
And I’m catching myself thinking about all of the ways that I could lose him
And I can’t help being a mess cause he’s the one that’s gotta choose it
He is showing up, always puts me first
Not to fuck you up, but we’re so in love
You make it weird when you call him
You make it weird because we’re not friends
Are you hoping he’ll catch feelings for you again?
So insane to think that now I’ll have to pretend
That you never even happened
Oh no no i don’t think I can
No no I don’t want you to see that I forget who I am
Yeah I know I wouldn’t want me to be my ex boyfriend’s new girlfriend
Girlfriend, girlfriend
So, sorry I’m your ex’s girlfriend
I wanna know exactly what the two of you had
Then I take it back, yeah I take it back
I wanna know if he still thinks of you like that
But then I take it back, yeah I take it back
Cause it’s only weird when you call him
Yeah it’s only weird when you call him
So, sorry I’m your ex’s girlfriend
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4. |
Hurting You
03:29
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I’m an actor playing, trying to show you I don’t feel it
I look like it doesn’t matter when I wanna cry
I’m not a liar, but when I’m in it I just get tired
Of proving to you that it doesn’t matter how hard I try
I don’t really show it in my face
You never even know it cause I can’t say it
Right now I know it’s hard for you to see
Hurting you is hurting me
Underneath the pain there’s still blood inside my veins
There’s still a heart and it feels pain
Just the same as you do when you’re angry
Is there some shit you wanna tell me?
Well go ahead and lay it on me
You say you know me, well if you know me
I don’t really show it in my face
You’d never even know it cause I can’t say it
Right now I know it’s hard for you to see
Hurting you is hurting me
I don’t know how to feel anything in front of you
So I do it alone
Try to undo all the damage I did just to prove I don’t care less
No I don’t care less
I don’t really show it in my face
You’d never know it cause I can’t say it
Right now I know it’s hard for you to see
Hurting you is hurting
Yeah hurting you is hurting me
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5. |
Get To Know Me
03:40
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Everybody’s got their shit, no one here is exempt
I read somewhere familiarity breeds contempt
No I’m not scared to show that side but I’m afraid you’ll run and hide
If we really get down to it
Have you met when I’m belligerent?
I might make you cry
Have I introduced insecurity yet?
Wish I could tell you why
Have you noticed me careless?
Birthmarks when I’m undressed
You’ll meet low and you’ll see lonely
If you ever hold me closely
How well do you wanna get to know me?
Sometimes I find a pillow and I empty out my lungs
I keep my room dark enough to obscure skeletons
No I’m not scared to show my bones but once you know me
Then you know all the faces of my weakness
All the smiles on my secrets
Did you get to my anxiety?
I can’t play it cool
Did you get to my negativity yet?
When my glass is never half full
Have you noticed me jealous
My eyes when I’m rebellious
You’ll meet go ahead ignore me
If you ever hold me closely
How well do you wanna get to know me?
There’s a world living inside my head
Do you wanna slow it down?
And if you get a real good look at it
Are you gonna stick around?
How well do you wanna get to know me?
Do you wanna get to know me?
Do you wanna get to know me?
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6. |
Kiss The Wall
03:05
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I found a way to make time my friend
When I hit the wall over and over again
I close my eyes and wish for it to never end
And then I kiss the wall
Then when the walls comes crashing around
And we’re all going fast 20,000 feet down
I open my arms in spite of it all, I’m happy to fall
I love this place, I love waiting in line
Nothing is a waste of time
Nothing is a waste of time
I love this place I love waiting in line
Nothing is a waste of time
I’m gonna get used to saying your name
Meet your whole family and go on vacation
Move into a house with you and spend holidays
Planting a garden
We’ll make 50 good years and then we’ll both die
The kids will have kids of their own down the line
No one will ever even know we were alive
Except for the garden
I love this place, I love waiting in line
Nothing is a waste of time
Nothing is a waste of time
I love this place I love waiting in line
Nothing is a waste of time
All of the hearts, all of the breaks
All of the lies that turned into mistakes
I love this place cause it’s yours and it’s mine
Nothing is a waste of time
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7. |
God Person
03:38
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Back row of the room, I show up alone
I come here to watch other people know
What I can only guess at, cause I’m never sure
And I don’t like commitment if there’s something more
They sing their songs closing their eyes
Seeing the light in a different light
How does that happen, why is it beautiful
Why is it magic and tragic, I don’t know
I’m not a god person
But I’m never not searching
Looking at the sky, staring at the ocean
If there’s something to know, then I wanna know it
I wanna hold it, I wanna feel it
Maybe I can’t say that I’m not a god person
Talking to my dad, talking bout my mom
After 20 years, what the hell went wrong
And how can I avoid making the same choices
And stay on the Carolina coast living in the moment
We saw a storm 3 miles away
We lit a fire and watched it rage
How can that happen? Why is it beautiful?
Why is it magic and tragic? I don’t know
I’m not a god person
But I’m never not searching
Looking at the sky, staring at the ocean
If there’s something to know, then I wanna know it
I wanna hold it, I wanna feel it
Maybe I can’t say that I’m not a god person
I’m not a god person, I’m looking behind every curtain
And I see the sky, and I see the ocean
Where it all came from and where it’s all going
I’ll never know but sometimes I can feel it
Maybe I can’t say that I’m not a god person
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8. |
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Without the better days
The one step closer phase
Who on earth would I be?
Without the sleepless nights
When I turn out the lights
Would you recognize me?
It’s getting harder and harder to breathe underwater
When I know that you’ll take me down
Every time I try to walk away I stay, you knew I would
I know loving you, it don’t do me good
Every time I wake up crying I’m denying what I should
I know loving you, it don’t do me good
Without the make believe
The what will be will be
What gives me the right to keep dreaming?
Without the dark maybe there would be no stars
Broken floating parts for us to believe in
It’s getting harder and harder to act like I’m smart
And tell you I know something I don’t
Every time I try to walk away I stay, you knew I would
I know loving you, it don’t do me good
Every time I wake up crying I’m denying what I should
I know loving you, it don’t do me good
I keep coming back, and I keep coming back to you
And I deal with the fact that you won’t give it back like I do
Every time I try to walk away I stay, you knew I would
I know loving you, it don’t do me good
Every time I wake up crying I’m denying what I should
I know loving you, it don’t do me good
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9. |
For Months Now
04:06
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It happened in your car
Then again at the bar
It doesn’t matter where we are, it’s a pattern
You get to fall apart
You’re selfish, you don’t think you are
Little things are the biggest part of the matter
That night you left me with your friends
I left you, a little bit then
It happens again and again, have you noticed?
I’ve been leaving you for months now
I just haven’t found a way out
I don’t love you like I used to
I just don’t know how to tell you
When you’re happy I’m the saddest
You’re gonna hate me when it happens
Keeping a secret and I’m not proud
I’ve been leaving you for months now
It’s not a big surprise
You’ve seen it, in my eyes
Every time you make me cry, you call it tough love
And you’re not happy for me
Not the way that you ought to be
And I’m tired of playing down all good stuff
I’ve been leaving you for months now
I just haven’t found a way out
I don’t love you like I used to
I just don’t know how to tell you
When you’re happy I’m the saddest
You’re gonna hate me when it happens
Keeping a secret and I’m not proud
I’ve been leaving you for months now
When I love you I hate you the most
When I love you I hate you the most
When I love you I hate you the most
When I love you I hate you the most
When I love you I hate you the most
When I love you I hate you the most
I’ve been leaving you for months now
I just haven’t found a way out
I don’t love you like I used to
I just don’t know how to tell you
When you’re happy I’m the saddest
You’re gonna hate me when it happens
Keeping a secret and I’m not proud
I’ve been leaving you for months now
I’ve been leaving you for months now
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10. |
KFM
02:55
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Man you piss me off
Except for when you’re not
I don’t want you to stop making me
Thinkin it’s so hot
I don’t know what you want
Until your hands are on my body
I wanna make it to the end of the movie
I don’t wanna fall asleep, I just wanna be
Wrapped around all of my favorite kind of crazy
With all that you give to me
I don’t know if I wanna kill fuck marry you forever
God I wanna kill fuck marry you forever
I’m not even about finding somebody better
Think I wanna kill fuck marry you forever
I can be a dick
You don’t know when to quit
Dishing it out comes with taking it
I don’t do ‘on my knees’
You don’t do ‘just to please’
At least we both know we’re not faking it
I wanna make it to the end of the party
Don’t wanna go home alone, I just wanna know
That you can wrap around my one and only crazy
With all of the ways we go
I don’t know if I wanna kill fuck marry you forever
God I wanna kill fuck marry you forever
I’m not even about finding somebody better
Think I wanna kill fuck marry you forever
The more I know the less I know
The more I stop the more you go
And when we fall like dominoes
The more I know, the more I know
I wanna kill fuck marry you forever
God I wanna kill fuck marry you
I’m not even about finding somebody better
Yeah I think I wanna, I know I’m gonna
I wanna kill fuck marry you forever
God I wanna kill fuck marry you forever
I’m not even about anybody else ever
Think I wanna kill fuck marry you
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11. |
Weird Faith
03:00
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Why’s it have to beat up to prove to me that it was love?
I still don’t know if it was a curse or a blessing
So I pick myself up off the floor, say I’m not gonna do it like i did it before
It’s the best thing, it’s the best thing
When you treat it like it’s magic
When you hold it not to have it
And you wanna learn to leave
And you wanna learn to stay
Cause every love brings a lesson
And you’re gonna be tested
So try to have a heart of gold
And try to have weird faith
So the whole world turned, and the sun spun around
And I got up from from where I got down
And if I know only one thing now, it’s that I made it
And I sweetened up the bitterness, I let the magician keep his tricks
Cause knowing and unknowing it is how to find it
When you’re not looking
You can treat it like it’s magic
You can hold it not to have it
And you wanna learn to leave
And you wanna learn to stay
Cause every love brings a lesson
And you’re gonna be tested
So try to have a heart of gold
And try to have weird faith
I could protect myself
From everybody else
Or I could wait and have a little faith
And treat it like it’s magic
Hold it not to have it
And I wanna learn to leave
And I wanna learn to stay
Cause every love brings a lesson
And I’m gonna be tested
So I’m gonna have a heart of gold
And I’m gonna have weird faith
I’m gonna have a heart of gold
I’m gonna have weird faith
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12. |
Obsessive Thoughts
03:19
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I’ve been hoping
Feeling emotion
Driving to the ocean
A symbol of my devotion
It’s a lot, it’s a lot
Obsessive thoughts
Obsessive thoughts
All I got, all I got
Obsessive thoughts
Obsessive thoughts
Want to take back senseless attacks
Cause I promise I’m not like that
I’m not like that, I just react
It’s a lot, it’s a lot
Obsessive thoughts
Obsessive thoughts
All I got, all I got
Obsessive thoughts
Obsessive thoughts
Is it all or nothing?
Am I make believing?
Does a heart always know what’s true?
Is it hard to love me?
Cause I exist intensely?
And my messages don’t get through
It’s a lot, all I got
Obsessive thoughts
Obsessive thoughts
It’s a lot, it’s a lot
Obsessive thoughts
All I got, all I got
Obsessive thoughts
Obsessive thoughts
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Madi Diaz Los Angeles, California
Rage, confusion, despair, self-deception, and introspection—Madi Diaz cycles through the full spectrum of emotions on History Of A Feeling, her debut on ANTI-. It’s an album that undeniably marks Diaz’s status as a first-rate songwriter, a craft she’s spent years refining, and one wherein Diaz establishes herself as an artist capable of distilling profound feelings with ease. ... more
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