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History Of A Feeling

by Madi Diaz

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GORJUS
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GORJUS Just a stunning work of writing, songs carefully balanced between intensity and delicacy. I find myself walking around the house singing stray lyrics. Choosing a favorite song is like picking a favorite Beatles album. Favorite track: Think Of Me.
uselessdesire
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uselessdesire Not since Patty Griffin's Living With Ghosts has an album invoked so much emotion from me. The power of these songs have been constantly running through my mind and I can't stop hitting the play button. Thank you Madi!
jake
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peaches
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Papa Jojo
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one_way_pendulum
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ghostmoor
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KiBHR
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Jarred Albright's Musical Tastes
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Mark Riera
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Nick Neagle
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Frtz Tap
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P.J. Cicalo
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Richard Vincent
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Travis Baer
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Jessica Piraino
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and120cents
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reid_g
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Phil E
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orangefaeriedust
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Marcin Witkowski
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gravityfalling
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¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Dani
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Brant Heflin
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prdrums77
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DJ Hottpants
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viewofdelft
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runawaynun
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Nicholas Manna
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stozzie
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manypies
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Paula Brinkman Lowe
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snakewood
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akt_band_nc
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camerjones
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Detlef Fleischer
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andrew ha
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Stefan S.
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Matthew Zisk
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John White
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Aajabu
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lotusqween
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C O'R
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Mike James
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Kent Weigle
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ludovv
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davemcg
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Jason Squiers
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dwlapinski
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Ethan D
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Sibyl Kemp
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Aaron Graf
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thechrisgroove
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paintedblue
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jazzfess
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Curtis Adamo
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grant mccall
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Alex B. Wang
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MD2000
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mikelogsdon
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boisdevache
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1.
Rage 01:49
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VERSE Live and let go, I have tried Predictable, every time And at this point I just take the ride And hang on CHORUS I wanna rage to erase everything and I’m not afraid VERSE Forgive and forget Fuck you fuck that Pathological lies Does it make sense? Doesn’t make sense CHORUS I wanna rage to erase everything and I’m not afraid I’m not done making mistakes It’s not a phase I’m gonna rage
2.
Man In Me 04:48
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VERSE Do you imagine me differently Cause when I met you swore that you saw me When you think I might be someone else Does it turn you on VERSE I used to not get scared of shiny new things until I Saw you in the shower sitting on your knees But when we turn off all the lights We both get what we want CHORUS Tell me now whose lips i was kissing It’s all about the lips i was kissing The man in me and the woman in you VERSE I’m not proud of kicking in your bathroom door Or screaming at you I don’t know you anymore When I started saying it out loud I couldn’t take it back I knew it back then like I know it now If thoughts could kill I’d never talk you down But I’d try and try to hold you still I’d try and try to know you well And I lie and then you lie we couldn’t hide it anymore CHORUS Tell me now whose lips I was kissing It’s all about whose lips I was kissing The man in me and the woman in you BRIDGE If it wasn’t real why do I still feel it Did we mean it all did we really mean it If it wasn’t real why do I still feel it Did we mean it all did we really mean it CHORUS Tell me now whose lips I was kissing It’s all about whoes lips I was kissing The man in me and the woman in you The man in me and the woman in you
3.
Crying In Public 04:00
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VERSE I could be sitting on the M train going back to Brooklyn I could be crossing a street somewhere without looking I could be drunk at a party laughing out loud I could anywhere I could be right here right now I could be walking through the grocery store at 3am I could be almost falling in love again You’re still on the streets every sidewalk I go down I swear you’re everywhere, I swear you’re right here right now CHORUS I don’t wanna be crying in public But here I am crying in public I am strong and it’s stronger than I am right now Trying to keep it in but it’s coming out I don’t wanna be crying in public But here I am crying in public VERSE First thing in the morning, last thing at night Is it gonna pass, will it last for a lifetime Cause I could be watching a movie up late on my friends couch God I be could anywhere, I could be right here right now CHORUS I don’t wanna be crying in public But here I am crying in public I am strong and it’s stronger than I am right now Trying to keep it in but it’s coming out I don’t wanna be crying in public But here I am crying in public BRIDGE Even on the days when I think it’ll miss me Like it or not it’s still gonna hit me Even on the days when I pray it’ll miss me Like it or not it’ll never be easy CHORUS I don’t wanna be crying in public But here I am crying in public I am strong and it’s stronger than I am right now Trying to keep it in but it’s coming out I don’t wanna be crying in public But here I am crying in public
4.
Resentment 02:53
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I feel loved on and I feel used Nobody makes me feel the way you do And sometimes I just can’t stand it Isn’t that just the thing about us I’m still thinking you could be the one But you’re always taking me for granted PRE I got something I gotta get off of my chest I’ve been staying up while you’re sleeping in my bed CHORUS I don’t hate you babe it’s worse than that Cause you hurt me and I don’t react I’ve been building up this thing for months Resentment VERSE You say you know me like you know yourself But there’s a part of you that you can’t help And you say you can’t do it, just do it Do it for my sake It’s a shame knowing we could be good That you could treat me better if you really wanted to And if you can’t do it for my sake, than do it for our sake CHORUS I don’t hate you babe it’s worse than that Cause you hurt me and I don’t react I’ve been building up this thing for months Resentment BRIDGE Oh I don’t know how to leave or to stay So I’ve been talking to strangers Cause I can’t talk to you anymore that way Did I let you down cause you let me down But you would never say that you let me down But you let me down, and you let me down CHORUS I don’t hate you babe it’s worse than that Cause you hurt me and I’m more than sad I’ve been building up this thing for months Resentment
5.
Think Of Me 03:30
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VERSE All of my atoms are under attack Don’t wanna feel nothing so I don’t react No I don’t even notice you You in the kitchen and me in the bath I can play normal and you can pretend That I don’t know where you go I know where you go, I know where you go CHORUS I hope you fuck her with your eyes close And think of me I hope you love her with the lights low And think of me I hope you fuck her with your eyes closed Put the shame off with some Benzos Swallow the feeling while you walk home And think of my always, think of me think of me always Think of me, think of me VERSE All of the color has drained from your face I’m sorry I love you is noise that you make No i didn’t even notice you Staying out staying out all night Running your fingers down her thighs Licking your lips in the low light No I didn’t even notice you CHORUS I hope you fuck her with your eyes close And think of me I hope you love her with the lights low And think of me I hope you fuck her with your eyes closed Put the shame off with some Benzos Swallow the feeling while you walk home And think of my always, think of me think of me always Think of me, think of me
6.
Woman In My Heart 02:59
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There’s a woman in my heart She only comes out in the dark I was willing to stay All my honor on the stake I’m still pulling out your love Little pieces coming up Now the man I love is gone And there’s a woman in my heart I could never trust my eyes Cause the truth hurt like a lie I was willing to believe You had nothing left to hide Tired to pull her from the bed Cause she’s getting in my head Now the man I love is gone And there’s a woman in my heart There’s a woman in my heart There’s a woman in my heart I’m still pulling out your love Little pieces coming up Now the man I love is gone And there’s a woman in my heart There’s a woman in my heart There’s a woman in my heart There’s a woman in my heart There’s a woman in my heart
7.
Nervous 02:46
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VERSE Sometimes I lie Sometimes I convince myself That everything’s fine I’m such a good actress when I say that i miss you I miss you, i miss you I think that I actually do And i almost forget there’s so much messed up Between me and you If I close my eyes I can’t even see I’m in fucked state of mind And this can’t last forever I want the attention I want the affection Then you take up all of my time And besides the sex there’s nothing left There is nothing left CHORUS I know why I lie to myself I’m not really looking to get healthy I have so many perspectives I’m losing perspective I make me nervous VERSE Is it okay That i might be using you for my own escape I know that it’s selfish for me to expect you to understand where I been When you been here the whole time As messed up as it is, can we admit it Can we just say it CHORUS I know why I lie to myself I’m not really looking to get healthy I have so many perspectives I’m losing perspective I make me nervous BRIDGE I know it’s fine like every other time I know that i lie a little bit every time Almost every time I don’t mean to ruin things But I could say anything Sometimes I could say anything CHORUS I know why I lie to myself I’m not really looking to get healthy I have so many perspectives I’m losing perspective I make me nervous
8.
Forever 04:38
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VERSE Now that the past is settled Now that it’s stirred back up Now that the war is over How can you still make love You’re pushing every button Your’e making every mark You don’t have my permission Now that the past is settled CHORUS You so casually say it’s forever You’re saying it like it’s whatever And in the moment you fooled me you had me you lost me forever VERSE Are you a time traveler What are you doing here How can you just come over And when do you disappear There is no word that i haven’t said I physically can’t I can’t have you like that Are you a time traveler Are you a time traveler CHORUS You so casually say it’s forever You’re saying it like it’s whatever And in the moment you fooled me you had me you lost me forever BRIDGE Does it make you sad, does it make you laugh Living in the past, does it make you mad Cause you had it all You know it makes me sad Do you know what makes me laugh I wouldn’t take you back Does it make you mad cause you had it all CHORUS You so casually say it’s forever You’re saying it like it’s whatever And in the moment you fooled me you had me you lost me forever
9.
History Of A Feeling 03:19
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I don’t know where I started, but I know where I stand It comes back like a whisper when I’ve tried to wash my hands of it And when I walk away I take you as I’m leaving I’m still living in the history of a feeling I don’t see you anymore but I see you in the mirror I only hear your voice when I know that you’re not here with me And I know love’s not lie but I have a hard time believing I’m still living in the history of a feeling And I’ve found new ways to separate the dead from the living And I’ve filled my heart where you were always missing Doesn’t that count for something And I’ve found new ways to count days that you’re not in There’ll come a time when you won’t be mind every second Doesn’t that count for something I still get a tremor every time I face west Just when I think it’s gone I feel it in my chest again It doesn’t happen time, and when it softly creeps in I’m still living in the history of a feeling I’m living in the history of a feeling
10.
New Person Old Place 04:06
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VERSE I used to stay up on the off chance that you might call me back I used to go shopping for pain go through pictures it’s all I had I’d sift through our memories and live there even when I wasn’t sad I used to, I used to, but now I don’t that You used to be able to dictate each feeling inside my head Drag me through every trauma over and over again Cause if I was crazy then I’d still be yours I’d always come back You used to be able to, now you don’t do that CHORUS What used to hurt doesn’t hurt anymore What used to work doesn’t work anymore And that’s just true it’s not even brave Can’t be a new person in an old place VERSE I used to take all of your shit and carry it on my back I’d leave what I needed behind to make room for whatever you had I believed that I had to be strong just for you so you wouldn’t crack I used to, I used to, but now I don’t that CHORUS What used to hurt doesn’t hurt anymore What used to work doesn’t work anymore And that’s just true it’s not even brave Can’t be a new person in an old place CHORUS What used to hurt doesn’t hurt anymore What used to work doesn’t work anymore And that’s just true it’s not even brave Can’t be a new person in an old place I knew it would happen I just had to wait Can’t be a new person in an old place
11.
Do It Now 03:27
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VERSE I’ve never not been good at beginnings Good at undressing and better at feeling Better at trusting, I’ve never not been All of a sudden, all of me’s shutting down And I don’t wanna shut you out of my head And turn what i’m thinking down Do you really wanna hear me say it out loud CHORUS if you’re gonna love me show me how If you’re gonna hurt me do it now If I give you everything will it freak you out If you’re gonna love me do it now VERSE Picked up the habit of making a statement Before I could have it, before I could keep it I could make plans but it’s out of my hands and I’ve never not been good at emotions I, no I don’t wanna shut you out of my head And turn what I’m thinking down Do you really wanna hear me say it out loud CHORUS if you’re gonna love me show me how If you’re gonna hurt me do it now If I give you everything will it freak you out If you’re gonna love me do it now Do it now Do it now CHORUS if you’re gonna love me show me how If you’re gonna hurt me do it now If I give you everything will it freak you out If you’re gonna love me do it now

about

Nashville-based songwriter Madi Diaz's new album 'History Of A Feeling' is out August 27th on ANTI. History Of A Feeling undeniably marks Diaz’s status as a first-rate songwriter, a craft she’s spent years refining. Across the album, Diaz cycles through the full spectrum of emotions as she comes to terms with the dissolution of a meaningful relationship. She plays the line between the personal and the general with dexterity: in Diaz’s hands, quiet moments of self-pity are transformed into grand meditations on heartbreak, and unwieldy knots of big existential feelings are smoothed out with a sense of clear-eyed precision.

Diaz started working on History Of A Feeling three years ago, before beginning collaborations with co-producer Andrew Sarlo (Big Thief, Bon Iver) with whom she worked closely to flesh out the album’s instrumentation. It’s a homecoming record of sorts that points to her Nashville songwriting roots. Pulling from a range of folk, country and pop leanings, as much influenced by Patty Griffin and Lori McKenna as PJ Harvey and Kathleen Hanna, History Of A Feeling is comprised of the most direct and introspective songs Diaz has ever written. Throughout, she seamlessly weaves a profound sense of intimacy and camaraderie as her lyrics are relatable to anyone who has experienced heartbreak and great change in some manner. These universals are shaded by the fact that the relationship breakdown Diaz is chronicling coincided with her former partner transitioning, a complex reckoning Diaz approaches with empathy, candor, and care. “The bulk of this music came from dealing with a kind of tsunami clash of compassion, both for my former partner while she was discovering a deeper part of her gender identity long hidden, and my own raw heartache over having lost the partner I knew,” Diaz says. “I felt so torn through the middle because half of me wanted to hold this person through such a major life event, one that is so beautiful and hard, and the other half felt lost—like I had lost myself in someone else’s story.” It was a sea change that reverberated and ricocheted in her reflections on their relationship and her own sense of self moving forward and her process of healing.

credits

released August 27, 2021

Produced by Andrew Sarlo and Madi Diaz
“Man In Me” and “Rage” Produced by Madi Diaz
“Man In Me” recorded by Justin Tockett and Ben Alleman with additional production by Andrew Sarlo
“Forever” additional engineering by Justin Tockett
All Songs Mixed by Andrew Maury
Mastered by Joe LaPorta at Sterling Sound

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Madi Diaz Los Angeles, California

Rage, confusion, despair, self-deception, and introspection—Madi Diaz cycles through the full spectrum of emotions on History Of A Feeling, her debut on ANTI-. It’s an album that undeniably marks Diaz’s status as a first-rate songwriter, a craft she’s spent years refining, and one wherein Diaz establishes herself as an artist capable of distilling profound feelings with ease. ... more

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